THE PE INVESTOR

Never split the difference, by Chris Voss

Never Split the Difference

Chris Voss (born 1957) is a former FBI hostage negotiator, consultant and author, known for his book on negotiating tactics.

Below are the key lessons from the book.

1. A good negotiator prepares to be ready for possible surprises.
2. A great negotiator aims to use his skills to reveal the surprises he is certain to find.
3. Don’t commit to assumptions: instead, view them as hypotheses and use the negotiation to test them.
   • Each new insight or piece of information allows to discard one hypothesis.
   • The goal is to extract as much information as possible.
   • Remain open to all possibilities.
4. Negotiation is not an act of battle, it’s a proces of discovery. The goal is to uncover as much information as possible.
5. Make your sole focus the other person and what they have to say, instead or prioritizing your argument.
   • Identify what your counterpart actually needs (monetarily, emotionally or otherwise).
   • Get them feeling safe enough to talk about what they want.
   • Begin with listening, validating his emotions, creating enough trust and safety for a real conversation to begin.
6. Slow it down. If you’re too much in a hurry, people can feel they are not being heard.
7. Put a smile on your face. When in a positive state of mind, people are more likely to collaborate and solve problems.
8. There are 3 tones of voice: (i) late night DJ: talk slowly and clearly to convey you are in control and an item is not up for discussion; (ii) positive/playful: relax and smile, should be the default voice; (iii) direct/assertive: will cause problems and create pushback.
9. Mirrors work magic: repeat the last words of what someone has just said, to encourage him to empathize and bond with you, buy time to regroup, and encourage your counterparts to reveal unknown facts or their strategy.
   • Use the late-night DJ voice.
   • Start with “I’m sorry”.
   • Mirror, in an inquisitive tone (the intention being “please help me understand”).
   • Silence for at least 4 seconds.
   • Repeat.
10. Tactical empathy: imagine yourself in your counterpart’s situation, understand their feelings and what is behind those feelings, convey you are listening.
    • “It looks like you don’t want to come out”.
    • “It seems like you worry that if you open the door, we’ll come in with guns blazing”.
    • “It looks like you don’t want to go back to jail”.
11. Labeling: validate your counterpart’s emotion by acknowledging it.
    • Detect their emotional state by picking up on tiny pieces of information.
    • Label the emotion out loud: “it seems that”, “it sounds like”, “it looks like”
    • Silence: be quiet end listen.
12. Focus first on clearing the barriers to agreement. Denying barriers gives them credence, get them out into the open.
13. Pause: after you label a barrier or mirror a statement, let it sink in. The other side will fill the silence.
14. Label your counterpart’s fears. The faster you interrupt action in his amygdala, the faster you can generate feelings of safety, well-being and trust.
15. Perform an accusation audit: list the worst things the other party could say about you and say them before the other person.
16. Remember you are dealing with a person who wants to be appreciated and understood. So use labels to reinforce and encourage positive perceptions and dynamics.
17. Break the habit of trying to get people to say “yes”. Being pushed for “yes” makes people defensive.
18. “No” is not a failure. It really often means “wait” or “I’m not comfortable with that”.
19. “Yes” is the final goal of negotiation but do not aim for it at the start.
20. Saying “no” makes the speaker feel safe, secure and in control, so trigger it. “Is now a bad time to talk” is better than “do you have a few minutes to talk”.
21. Negotiate in their world. The other party should convince themselves the solution you want is their own idea. So do not beat them with logic or force, ask them questions that open paths to your goals.
22. If a potential partner is ignoring you, ask a “no” oriented question suggesting you are ready to walk away: “have you given up on this project?”
23. The more a person feels understood, the more likely the urge for constructive behavior.
24. “That’s right” is better than “yes”.
25. Use a summary to trigger a “that’s right”, i.e. a label combined with paraphrasing.
26. All negotiations are defined by a network of subterranean desires and needs. Do not be fooled by the surface.
27. Meeting halfway often leads to bad deals for both sides.
28. Approaching deadlines entices people to rush and do impulsive things against their interests.
29. When your counterpart drops the “fair” bomb, do not get suckered into a concession, ask them to explain how you are mistreating them.
30. You can bend your counterpart’s reality by anchoring the starting point. Before making an offer, anchor them by saying how bad it will be.
31. People will take more risks to avoid a loss than to realize a gain. Make sure your counterpart sees that there is something to lose by inaction.
32. The talker is revealing information, while the listener is directing the conversation toward his own goals.
33. Do not try to force your opponent to admit you are right.
34. Avoid questions that can be answered with “yes” or tiny pieces of information.
35. Ask calibrated questions that start with “how” or “what”.
36. Do not ask questions that start with “why” unless you want your counterpart to defend a goal that serves you.
37. Calibrate your questions to point your counterpart toward solving your problem.
38. When you are attacked, bite your tongue, pause, avoid an angry reaction and ask your counterpart a calibrated question.
39. There is always a team on the other side.
40. Getting to a good deal involves detecting and manipulating subtle, nonobvious signals beneath the surface.
41. “Yes” is nothing without “how”.
42. Ask calibrated “how” questions, to give them the illusion of control and lead them to contemplate your problems when making their demands.
43. Use “how can I do that” as a gentle version of “no”, to push your counterpart to search for other solutions and bid against themselves.
44. Always identify the motivations of other players behind the tables, by asking how a deal will affect everybody else and how on board they are.
45. Pay close attention to tone of voice and body language. Incongruence between words and nonverbal signs will show when your counterpart is lying or uncomfortable with a deal.
46. Test your counterpart’s “yes” using calibrated questions, summaries and labels, to get them to reaffirm their agreement at least 3 times.
47. If your counterpart uses a lot of “I”, the real power probably lies elsewhere, if he uses “we” or “they”, it is more likely you are dealing with a savvy decision maker.
48. Use your own name to make yourself a real person. Humor and humanity are the best ways to break the ice and remove roadblocks.
49. Identify your counterpart’s negotiating style: (i) accomodator, (ii) assertive or (iii) analyst.
    • With analysts: be prepared, use clear data, focus on facts, avoid surprises, warn of issues early.
    • With accomodators: be sociable and friendly, use calibrated questions focused on implementation, uncover their objections.
    • With assertives: focus on what they have to say, use mirrors, calibrated questions, labels and summaries, get a “that’s right”.
50. Prepare: design ambitious goals and then game out the labels, calibrated questions and responses you will use to get there.
51. Get ready to take a punch. Good negotiators usually lead with an extreme anchor to knock you off your game. So prepare dodging tactics.
    • Say no: “how am I supposed to accept that”.
    • Deflect the anchor: “what are we trying to accomplish here”.
    • Take strategic umbrage: “I don’t see how that would ever work”, “I’m sorry, that just does not work for me”.
    • Pivot to terms: “let’s put price off to the side for a moment and talk about what would make this a good deal”, “what else would you be able to offer to make that a good price for me”.
    • If the other side pushes you, allude to a high number someone else might charge: “if you go to HBS, they will charge you $2,500 a day per student”.
52. Set boundaries, learn to take a punch or punch back without anger.
53. Prepare an Ackerman plan (65, 85, 95, 100%, nonmonetary item): decreasing raises and ending on nonround numbers will get your counterpart to believe he is squeezing you for all you are worth.
    • Original offer at 65% of your target sets an extreme anchor.
    • Drop the increases sparingly, after the counterpart has more another offer, and after you have thrown a few calibrated questions.
54. What we don’t know can kill our deals. But uncovering it can change the course of a negotiation and bring unexpected success.
55. Let what you know guide you but not blind you.
56. There are 3 types of leverage: (i) positive (ability to give someone what they want); (ii) negative (ability to hurt someone); (iii) normative (ability to use your counterpart’s norms to bring them around).
57. Work to understand the other side’s religion.
58. Review everything you hear from your counterpart (double-check, compare notes, use backup listeners).
59. Exploit the similarity principle: people are more apt to concede to seomeone they share a cultural similarity with, so dig for what makes them tick and show you share a common ground.
60. When someone seems irrational or crazy, they most likely are not. Search for constraints, hidden desires and bad information.
61. Get face time with your counterpart, paying attention to verbal or nonverbal communication at unguarded moments (beginning, end, when someone says something out of line).

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Never Split the Difference